Nothing was the Same
by NihilisticBerry
Summary: Michael decides he doesn't want to see Jeremy with Christine anymore and decides on a solution that is helpful for everyone. Michael Mell x Jeremy Heere. Based off the song "Nothing was the Same" by Hotel Books. Please listen to that song to get a deeper feel for the story. ***Trigger Warning: Suicide and self-deprication READ AT YOUR OWN RISK******


Michael couldn't do anything but watch with glassy eyes as the love of his life, his best friend of 13 years, walked away. Dismissing him like he was nothing. Nothing but a loser, who had nothing else to offer him. He has found love elsewhere. In the arms of Christine Canigula. He couldn't do anything to keep Jeremy here, with him. So, he let him go and decided he would let himself go too.

Michael got into his PT Cruiser and choked back the tears as he drove to his home. The home that has been the source of his comfort since he was a child will now be his escape from life. Completely. He arrived at the house and made his journey to the basement. Where he would end it. Where he would end his suffering. The last place he would lie as he remembered the loss of the love of his life.

He grabbed the pills out of the cabinet along with a fresh razor. He was going to end everything. The pain. The suffering. He couldn't take this pain in his heart. It hurt too much to see Jeremy out there with Christine. Every moment of the day they were together, going to classes, play rehearsal, to study. Everything. Everything Michael wanted to do with Jeremy. He couldn't take it.

Michael grabbed a pen and paper and began his note to Jeremy:

" _So the others courted you and you mentally recorded_ _  
_ _And endorsed the force perform of compliments you received came in_ _  
_ _And you felt empowered enough to take your final bow_ _  
_ _And find love within the arms of another instead of this heart of mine_ _  
_ _And that's fine because I would do the same and I would leave me_ _  
_ _Not because I'm useless and not because I'm broken_ _  
_ _Not because I'm sad and not because I'm worthless_ _  
_ _But because I saw value in your smile and not in your values_ __

 _And I'm sorry, and I love you_ _  
_ _And that's why I can finally sleep at night_ _  
_ _Because you are free and you can thrive_ _  
_ _And I'm just happy I got to be a part of your life"_

 _-Sincerely,_

 _Michael Mell_

With the final stroke of the pen, Michael poured out the contents of the pills with tears in his eyes. He composed a final text message to Jeremy and then swallowed the pills. He choked back sobs as he laid down on the bed and began to fade. He picked up the razor and made a deep slash on his wrists to make the end of his life come faster. He didn't want to suffer anymore. He didn't want to see HIS Jeremy out with Christine.

As Michael faded out of consciousness he heard heavy footsteps coming down the stairs. He heard Jeremy's voice. It sounded heartbroken and scared. He dismissed it as a figment of his imagination. Jeremy doesn't love him the way he does Christine. He felt a tear fall on his cheek and a hand grasp his. It was Jeremy. HIS Jeremy and his Jeremy was crying.

Jeremy began to speak through sobs, " _I was selfish to assume you loved me more than you love yourself. Even though I never felt the same. And there's so many things that my selfishness tried to take away."_ He continued through tears, " _But thank you for letting me be a part of everything you were building and creating. And finding truth and life and you were relating so much beauty. And I love you, and I'm sorry."_

Jeremy had finally said the words Michael longed to hear. He wanted to tell him all the things he had been hiding all this time. It was too late though. Michael could feel himself slowly slipping away. Into cold nothingness. Away from Jeremy.

The Paramedics finally showed and loaded Michael into the ambulance. Time was slipping away. Jeremy never let go of Michael's hand the whole ride to the hospital. As Michael faded into the nothingness Jeremy whispered his one last goodbye to his best friend, and the love of his life. __

_"Thank you for letting me be a part of your journey  
Thank you for letting me be me  
And thank you for setting me free  
And showing me love in its full capacity"_

Michael died that day in the hospital and so did a part of Jeremy. Jeremy never let go of Michael, even as he flatlined. This was his fault. If Jeremy had just been there for Michael and confessed like he had planned, Michael would still be here. They would be in his basement, drinking 90s sodas and playing vintage video games. Now Michael was gone and he would never have the chance to tell him how much he truly loved him.

Jeremy went home that night and mourned the loss of his best friend and lover. Things would never be the same without Michael. After all, life is a 2-player game. Jeremy clutched the red hoodie to his chest, as if maybe if he squeezed it hard enough Michael would come back, and everything would be fine.

Jeremy knew nothing would be fine ever again. Not without his player 2. He didn't sleep for days after Michael's death. He couldn't sleep, eat, or even get out of bed. How could he when his best friend is gone and he's alive. He didn't deserve to be alive. He destroyed Michael's life and happiness. If anything, Jeremy is the one who deserved to die. Not Michael.

For the first time in days, Jeremy got out of bed and prepared himself to go to Michael's funeral. If it weren't for his dickish behavior, Michael would still be here, with him, and they would be playing video games in his basement. It's too late now. He had to go and mourn the loss of his best friend.

The drive to the funeral was quiet. Neither Jeremy nor his dad said a word. They arrived at the funeral and Jeremy immediately felt sick. There he saw Michael's parents by the casket. Mrs. Mell was sobbing and clutching her husband's chest. He wanted to go to them and tell them it was his fault their son was dead. He wanted to scream that it should be him in that casket, not Michael. However, Jeremy couldn't make a sound. He couldn't even cry. He had cried enough over the past 4 days. So he just watched quietly as Michael's casket was lowered into the ground.


End file.
